Cry cry, I cry out to you. Lost, lost and alone I feel. Isolated from purpose, isolated from reality, isolated from validation. I hate how I feel. I hate my life right now. I ache for change. Here I sit, rotting, rotting from the inside outside in. Purpose is meaningless, breath is fruitless, life is purpose; action, breath.
I do not know what to do, my God. I have no plan, I have no reference, I have no hope, I have no expectation, I have no direction, I have no means to acquire direction, I have no means to support direction. I am caught in a mire thicker than deep, cavernous black. Abysmal.
You are testing my faith, god, and I don't like it. It feels like crap. It is extremely difficult.
Why should I wait? For how freaking long? Am I even waiting for anything?! Or are you just telling me to wait because you want to?
<...five minute interlude of silence...>
The wait demonstrates obedience. The inaction, dependence and the inability to claim any glory for myself. Reckless abandon of worldly wisdom, adhering to God's will. This will produce greater faith; this will serve as a reminder for future struggles. The Lord must come through. He must. It is nothing about me. It cannot be. It mustn't be.
Therefore, I must remain open. I must remain content. I must praise Him in light of difficulties--and I will. Though my flesh screams rebellion, yet my soul will yield & my knees will bend, as I stoop in reverence to my King, the Lord of All.
Let me know that You love me, and let that be enough.
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