Hory Cwap!!

Okay, get this. I've taken up my old habit of meeting alone with God again. Whereas I used to make an hour for him every evening (waaaay back in Grade 9), in this recent version I only have dedicated Monday nights to be my “dates with God.” In this time, I spend half an hour reading my Bible, 15 minutes talking to God & 15 minutes listening to Him. This particular date—last night to be precise—I was feeling a wee bit frustrated / at a loss / unsure with who I am or where I am with the Lord. Now—partially because of the copious levels of caffeine injected into my bloodstream by the 3+ℓ of Diet Pepsi I consumed earlier on in the day, and partially because of my brother loudly watching late-night television—I was having difficulty going to sleep, so I do what I usually do when I am struck with insomnia: I pray.

During the course of my praying, the topic turns to me & hearing the voice of God. It has been something that I have previously experienced—yes, that means I have had two-way conversations with the Lord—but recently (say, the past 3 or 4 years), I have been shutting Him out of my mind because I was unsure / afraid that the voice I was hearing actually was the voice of God. This seems rather prudent—wouldn't want to start acting like a whack who goes around doing things because he claims that voices in his head told him to... I'd be thrown on antipsychotics & placed in a psych. ward to assess possible schizophrenia. So, last night as I was praying, I asked God about his Voice & whether I should listen to it. As the prayer continued, I asked Him about a certain situation in my life & what to do about it. I listened. He told me to talk to a specific individual. I laughed, “Are you serious?!”

Who knows? Maybe He was… So, being the nerdy little skeptic that I am, I decided in my mind that I would do nothing to make the interaction happen—more than that—I put the onus completely on God’s shoulders. I said to Him, “Fine then. If this is really you, Lord, then—man, God, I really hate to do this cuz I really don't want to put you to the test, but there really isn't any other way for me to know for sure, so here it goes: If this is really you, then make this person come & meet me at such & such a place on campus between noon & 12:30 tomorrow.” I prided myself on being crafty, since I had only seen this person on campus once this whole term, and that only in passing on a completely different day of the week. What would the chances be of this person actually showing up at a place I’ve only ever seen them 4 times before in my life on a day I’ve never seen them there within a 30-minute window? If it was gonna happen, God had to pull strings. As soon as I had made this request of the Lord, I shut His voice out of my hearing—but not before I grasped a teensy, weensy little “Fine,” that squeaked through the lines of open communication. At the time, I dismissed this “fine” as a wishful thought of my own desire to see God concretely work in my life. I continued praying for a while after this, talking to God about the same subject and others until I sometime fell asleep.

Morning comes & I carry out my usual routine, which has me belched from my apartment building into the wilds of the 6:30 am Edmonton downtown streets. Needless to say, it’s pretty quiet & pretty dark. So, I begin my usual jaunt towards the LRT station, singing praises to God & praying to Him. As my trek southward progresses, my prayers return to what the Lord had said to me the night before. I let Him have it a little easier, for I thought that I was being too demanding on the Lord—I mean, who am I, His creation, telling Him how I want it, right? Because of this thought, I made a new deal: If the person whom he told me to talk to ran into me at all during the day, then I’d make the effort to talk with them. I started the whole “listening to the Voice of God” deal again, and this time he said, “I will show you myself today,” to which I responded, “But Lord, how in the world do I even know that this is your voice I am hearing right now? I mean, it could just be my own wishful thinking! I know in 1 John, you tell us to test the spirits, but if this is just me, the voice would still pass the test since I do believe that You came in the flesh as the redeeming sacrifice for all. I don’t know what the heck to do!”

I love God. This is what he said to me in response: “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified, do not be discouraged, for the Lord you God will be with you wherever you go.” He won. “Okay. Do your thing, Lord,” I said.

I get to school. I go & meet in prayer with a handful of other Christians on campus. We talk to the Lord & we worship in song. I don’t see the person at all before classes start. Class one begins & continues for the next three hours. My mind begins to rationalise the earlier experiences I had and I start to think that maybe it was all just fluff. Class finishes, and I go to the appointed place—where I typically go after this class for my 30 minute break between classes. No person there. “Okay, whatev,” I say to myself. I check my e-mail & return. Still no one. It is now 10 minutes after noon, so I sit down at a table & unpack some of my schoolwork to pass the time. No sooner had I unpacked my notes than this person the Lord told me to speak with appeared in the doorway and walked over to me. What the heck?! This isn’t supposed to happen! Not only that, but the person even brought up a topic of discussion that I had been meaning to talk with them about, but unfortunately time was running out quite fast & I was not able to complete (nor really even begin) my talk with them. As I packed up my stuff to head off to my next class, I let them know that God had told me the night before that I would meet up with them at that place & that He wanted me to talk with them. Person seemed relatively unfazed, which to me seemed a bit weird: the dude standing before them is claiming that the Creator of Heaven and Earth told him beforehand of this chance meeting & that He wanted them to talk, and Person nary bats an eyelash?! Wow. Odd. I was actually expecting at least the slightest reaction. I mean, I found it wholly absurd & completely foreign to my experience, but that may just be me. Then again, maybe I missed the reaction, or perhaps Person missed what I had said.

Anyways, the moral of the story is that I think I need to be listening closer to the Voice of God. I still have my reservations, however. I mean, one example isn’t enough to dispel all of my uncertainties, but it sure bolsters a pile of support for me to actually pursue it. The gift of prophecy is a weird thing. I should listen to God more & trust Him when He speaks. The small, effortless things are easy to do, but when He tells me to actually go out & do something, maybe I should actually do it. My relationship with God is weird, to say the least. But I love Him for it—however He decides to interact with me. Oh, and just in case you missed it earlier: Holy crap!!! God actually spoke tangible words to me & told me something that actually happened when He said it would. Not only that, but He even responded in my most difficult of requirements when He didn’t even need to!! Holy crap! Holy crap, holy crap, holy crap!

A little factlet for my readers today, which is by no means really connected to the above:

I have discovered that when someone says that they are too busy to do x, it is really just a polite euphemism (yes, my English geek friends, I know it is redundant☺) for saying that x isn’t important enough for them. If it was, they would be sure to make time to ensure that x occurred.

Peace out.