Oh Lord my God, when I in awesome wonder consider all the works thy hands have made. Then yearns my soul, my Saviour God, for thee. How great thou art, how great thou truly art.
Lord, I don't know. I'm having a super huge problem with being able to concentrate & read at this moment in time. I almost am wondering if has something to do with a.) my sickness, b.) my lack of sleep, c.) my current lowish blood sugar or d.) all of the above. Perhaps it also has to do with my lack of exercise lately. I hate not being able to work out. I am finding that this whole school thing is really, really bogging me down.
I cry out to you, my Lord. I need you. I need your help with every single aspect & facet of my existence. I love you dearly, yet I do not feel as though I am living a lifestyle that matches the desire of my heart. Why is it, God that I always seem to stray from you, my only love? How come I get wrapped up in so much other stuff & how come I forget what is essential & important so easily? Why am I so quickly fooled & blindsided? Is it the curse of a passionate heart? The result of wanting to go & be fervently effective in my life for you that I get caught up in the doing instead of being caught up in just you? I hate how it always seems to happen, God. I love you dearly. A super huge lot. Words cannot really express the extent of my love for you, and I know you know that but it feels good for me to say it myself. Oh lord,, help. I am so lost without you. I don’t really even know what I am doing right now..... Bring me back to you.
"My strength is made perfect in weakness"
Very true, Lord. Very true. All the more, I begin to see the reality & the truth of that very statement. It is in our states of weakness that we need to become wholly reliant on You. It is in these times where we realise our own insufficiency, where we accept that we aren't all that we are cracked up to be, where we see what we truly are. It is in brokenness & submission to You that your will can be most easily accomplished. In these states of humility, I follow instead of lead. Help me to follow, my God. Help me to live in this state of humility & "waiting on" perpetually. It is in these states that I feel most "in tune," so to speak, with you--where I feel like I am actually following your lead & listening to and for your voice & call.
It is a revelatory thing, weakness, brokenness. To recognise that you are not capable of running your own life, yet to also know that there is one who would gladly take that yoke upon his shoulders... Being in this state makes me appreciate the power & the truth in the "leading servant" paradigm all the more.
I love you, Father. Lead & guide my life in every direction at every moment for your purposes & for your purposes alone. Be glorified.
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