A heart drips
Slow passion melts from a frosty core
Extremities flee
Barbarism reigns supreme
Can dogs bite birds long in flight?
Can trees sing when one strums upon their rings?
Does air move by the sighings of love?
In empty brokenness, the cup feels no fullness. Pour in, drizzle out. Pour in, drizzle drizzle.
Apertures provide access, but access provides emptiness, and in the end, an open vessel is an empty one.
Selfish desire makes one complete. Me first mentalities provide much, and often. You get what you want and you want what you have. Nothing lacks; fullness in place, satisfaction established.
What is the point of selflessness? What do you gain? Broken, emptiness. Void. Gaping longings. Dissatisfaction.
Which is better: pain and regret from satisfying those desires gone awry, or perpetual longing to have those desires filled? Which is more consuming and which is more destructive: regret or obsession, pain or emptiness?
Logic states that Jesus is on crack. Reason mandates the adoption of a hedonistic life. Service, humbleness, selflessness and compassion necessarily leave one empty and mangled. They make one unattractive, useless and rejected. There is no point in considering others to be more important when they already believe that they in fact are.
And here we have a contention: Christianity only works when Christians follow Christ. A life of love and communal support will be squashed, trampled and smeared across glass and gravel by any soul who adopts a selfish stance.
Christianity is a pipe dream because people are selfish assholes. Christian community will never truly exist when individuals extort and abuse for personal gain.
So why bother? What is the point? Why care about people who don't recognise that you even exist unless you're stroking their social egos? Why provide love and support to any soul who is bent solely upon consuming--never reciprocating? Where is the justification, where is the reasoning, what is the purpose?
...
<insert long string of expletives here>
Sunday, March 18, 2007
Monday, March 12, 2007
My Last Week
The snow has melted for most of this past week. There still remain fair chunks of the mottled white stuff, though, strewn about or heaped into weathering mounds, reminiscent of white chocolate Hershey's kisses meeting their ill-gotten fates on some car's dashboard as it sits, windows up, in the middle of the summer's heat. The past few days have caught me reminiscing, looking back & being flooded with memories of my tree planting days of yore. Perhaps it's due to the combination of being in a small city with piles of dirty crew-cab trucks, filled with dirty crewmen looking exhausted even though the morning's light has just begun to make its ascent. Perhaps there is another reason, maybe like my green MEC backpack, which I used as a "home" whilst on the cut blocks, which still remains faithfully at my side. The duct tape scrap that I had casually thrown on my bag one day in the summer of 2002 finally came off about a year ago, but my bag refuses to forget that scrap's presence: a ghostly white patch of long-spent duct tape adhesive heralds the tape's former position, and every once in a while, it causes me to think about those "blissful" 11 hour work days in +35°C heat...
This is my last week sojourning in Lloydminster. I will be leaving in 6 days, having learned a pile about my new job and also about life in general. It always strikes me as odd, how some of the necessities of "the grind" seem to translate into excellent insight for greater life. I guess I shouldn't be surprised, as it usually turns out this way--learning always tends to bleed outside its intended perimeter.
I've come to a newer appreciation of how the church, as an organisation, has been structured by Jesus Christ through my management training here. The company for whom I work has a philosophy of empowering every associate that they've hired. Regardless of whether you're a 14-year old part-time stock person, or an inventory control specialist with a 10-year running career, my company gives each member of the team a certain level of authority to act autonomously and make choices independent of their supervisors. The reasoning behind such a philosophy is that the big wigs recognise: a.) that supervisors and management can never be everywhere at once, and b.) that, for the most part, the people we hire aren't dunces. In fact, the people who are typically the best informed at making many of the decisions arising from spontaneous interaction between customer and company tend to be those in lower positions (they typically are the ones with whom the customer interacts, and therefore are the ones who have personally witnessed most of the necessary information surrounding the pending decision). Since these associates are intimately involved in the case-by-case customer interactions, our company has decided to give them a level of authority allowing them to deal appropriately in such situations. This relieves the amount of tedious decisions needed to be made by management, makes the customer happy by speeding up decision turnaround and give our associates a feeling of ownership in the company. It works very well.
As a manager of a larger compliment of staff, with a relatively large footprint and having a high level of customer interaction, a lot of activity goes on around the store without management being able to physically oversee or even surveil much of the daily operations, we count on our staff to be our eyes and ears. Granted, we can query a million reports of how business is doing at the Point of Sale, but any customer activity before this process can go undetected. How is management going to know if many customers are inquiring about specific product features that none of our current stock provides, unless each customer interaction has been reviewed by management? What about theft, or short-stocked items? As management, our greatest resource is our staff. They provide information, deliver productivity and create the customer experience. As members of the team, our staff act as the eyes, ears, hands and feet of the management team as far as storefront daily operations go.
Now, I don't think that Jesus/God/HS actually need anyone to be their hands, feet, eyes or ears. They seem to be pretty good at doing what He wants to do, what with being omnipotent, omniscient and omniscient. In fact, both Paul and John prophesy that Christ will indeed reveal Himself to the whole world in His full glory, proclaiming His truth to all mankind without any help from those who choose to follow Him. Instead, though, it seems to be that the organisation of the Church as it was designed seems to focus more on ourselves and upon a communal relationship with the Lord. If God did everything for Himself, where would we fit in to the picture? What would be our purpose and what would we do with ourselves? Furthermore, how would we grow in relationship both with Him and with others, if God didn't ask us to interact with others on His behalf? How would we ourselves grow and develop in competency, authority and confidence if we weren't given an opportunity to flex such muscles for His Name? One of the underlying motives of my company giving authority to every member of our staff is that, by doing so, we foster growth and development in responsibility and management from the get-go. You don't gain experience by sitting around having your superiors doing all the hard things for ya. You need to extend beyond your current position and assume the position of a higher level of authority (as far as you're permitted, of course) in order to find out how such higher things are done effectively.
Such is it with the Church and why Christ chose to call us His Body in this interim, before He returns. Because He purposefully has chosen to step back for a bit, He has given us the authority and space to learn, to grow and to become more like Him. With this Divinely sanctioned independence in hand, how are you going to respond? Will you continue to ask how to undertake every single menial task, or will you go out on a limb & try stuff, knowing that there is a possibility of failing (but also knowing that your Boss is able to fix any "mistake" that you might make, and turn it around to become a positive experience eventually)? Will you sit on your thumbs waiting for your Boss to do the things He's asked you to do, knowing that He's able to do them Himself and doesn't really need your help at all? Or will you test the waters, stretch yourself, go out on that limb and act in a capacity, in a level of authority that is technically beyond your given position, where failure is possible, where growth is inevitable, and where trust and reliance in your Boss' estimation of your ability may take you to places you never thought you'd ever be able to go?
Responsibility. Authority. Power. Challenge. Reliance. Trust. The position's been offered--will you take it?
This is my last week sojourning in Lloydminster. I will be leaving in 6 days, having learned a pile about my new job and also about life in general. It always strikes me as odd, how some of the necessities of "the grind" seem to translate into excellent insight for greater life. I guess I shouldn't be surprised, as it usually turns out this way--learning always tends to bleed outside its intended perimeter.
I've come to a newer appreciation of how the church, as an organisation, has been structured by Jesus Christ through my management training here. The company for whom I work has a philosophy of empowering every associate that they've hired. Regardless of whether you're a 14-year old part-time stock person, or an inventory control specialist with a 10-year running career, my company gives each member of the team a certain level of authority to act autonomously and make choices independent of their supervisors. The reasoning behind such a philosophy is that the big wigs recognise: a.) that supervisors and management can never be everywhere at once, and b.) that, for the most part, the people we hire aren't dunces. In fact, the people who are typically the best informed at making many of the decisions arising from spontaneous interaction between customer and company tend to be those in lower positions (they typically are the ones with whom the customer interacts, and therefore are the ones who have personally witnessed most of the necessary information surrounding the pending decision). Since these associates are intimately involved in the case-by-case customer interactions, our company has decided to give them a level of authority allowing them to deal appropriately in such situations. This relieves the amount of tedious decisions needed to be made by management, makes the customer happy by speeding up decision turnaround and give our associates a feeling of ownership in the company. It works very well.
As a manager of a larger compliment of staff, with a relatively large footprint and having a high level of customer interaction, a lot of activity goes on around the store without management being able to physically oversee or even surveil much of the daily operations, we count on our staff to be our eyes and ears. Granted, we can query a million reports of how business is doing at the Point of Sale, but any customer activity before this process can go undetected. How is management going to know if many customers are inquiring about specific product features that none of our current stock provides, unless each customer interaction has been reviewed by management? What about theft, or short-stocked items? As management, our greatest resource is our staff. They provide information, deliver productivity and create the customer experience. As members of the team, our staff act as the eyes, ears, hands and feet of the management team as far as storefront daily operations go.
Now, I don't think that Jesus/God/HS actually need anyone to be their hands, feet, eyes or ears. They seem to be pretty good at doing what He wants to do, what with being omnipotent, omniscient and omniscient. In fact, both Paul and John prophesy that Christ will indeed reveal Himself to the whole world in His full glory, proclaiming His truth to all mankind without any help from those who choose to follow Him. Instead, though, it seems to be that the organisation of the Church as it was designed seems to focus more on ourselves and upon a communal relationship with the Lord. If God did everything for Himself, where would we fit in to the picture? What would be our purpose and what would we do with ourselves? Furthermore, how would we grow in relationship both with Him and with others, if God didn't ask us to interact with others on His behalf? How would we ourselves grow and develop in competency, authority and confidence if we weren't given an opportunity to flex such muscles for His Name? One of the underlying motives of my company giving authority to every member of our staff is that, by doing so, we foster growth and development in responsibility and management from the get-go. You don't gain experience by sitting around having your superiors doing all the hard things for ya. You need to extend beyond your current position and assume the position of a higher level of authority (as far as you're permitted, of course) in order to find out how such higher things are done effectively.
Such is it with the Church and why Christ chose to call us His Body in this interim, before He returns. Because He purposefully has chosen to step back for a bit, He has given us the authority and space to learn, to grow and to become more like Him. With this Divinely sanctioned independence in hand, how are you going to respond? Will you continue to ask how to undertake every single menial task, or will you go out on a limb & try stuff, knowing that there is a possibility of failing (but also knowing that your Boss is able to fix any "mistake" that you might make, and turn it around to become a positive experience eventually)? Will you sit on your thumbs waiting for your Boss to do the things He's asked you to do, knowing that He's able to do them Himself and doesn't really need your help at all? Or will you test the waters, stretch yourself, go out on that limb and act in a capacity, in a level of authority that is technically beyond your given position, where failure is possible, where growth is inevitable, and where trust and reliance in your Boss' estimation of your ability may take you to places you never thought you'd ever be able to go?
Responsibility. Authority. Power. Challenge. Reliance. Trust. The position's been offered--will you take it?
Thursday, March 08, 2007
All the World's a Septic Tank!
Leafing through my weekly newsletter from NewScientist Magazine, I managed to stumble across this little tacked-on story. Seismologists (I believe) have discovered what appears to be a huge water well underneath China, whose reserves are speculated to hold as much water as the Arctic Ocean. Pretty neat, I'd say. If they end up finding more (or deciding that it's frozen on land at the poles), there may be a geological explanation as to where all the water from the "flood" went...
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
Jesus as Wife / Jesus as Life
I have been doing a lot of thinking over the past week & a bit. It's an easy thing to get into doing, when you find yourself cooped up in a hotel room, with nothing but a "policies & procedures" manual to distract you, Quite nice, actually. Thinking is fun; synthesising information is great. Making sense of contradictions is rewarding.
I have discovered lately, that I am largely a contradiction.
In my heart and foundational to my soul is the belief and desire to know God, love Him completely and to serve Him without reservation. On the contrary, I find that in my day to day reality, such statements hardly surface into existence. It is sad. I don't really like this, and since I have identified a contradiction in my beliefs & actions, I am seeking to rectify this disparity.
The very nice thing about having a University education in the dramatic arts is that one learns boatloads about examining motivations and action. These two concepts are irrevocably linked, and by studying one, you can usually uncover the other. Where there exists a conflict between two or more motivations (or desires), character is born, and the ultimate choice of which motivation prevails over the other(s) reveals who a person truly is.
I have been thinking a lot about love and a lot about authority, since the two biggest uses of my time right now are work & God. At work, I am training to become a retail store manager, which entails a whole pile of administration and interpersonal leadership. With God, my desire is to know Him & love Him more--in everything that I do. As a result, I've come up with some interesting discoveries about who I am and how I should be living because of it.
So, I say that I love God. Every good Christian makes that claim. However, how much do I love God, and how important is God (and my love for Him) to me? I made some depressing discoveries, when I compared how I would treat my future wife in comparison with how I treat God.
Consider this: if Jesus were your wife or husband, would you treat Him the same way as you treat Him now?
Jesus has been my secret lover, my forbidden joy, my hidden hope. This is not acceptable. Why? Well, the implications here are that my love for God come second to my pesonal comfort, security and safety. I would rather sit easily by as Jesus becomes an object of slander, ridicule and deprecation. No, not good. Unacceptable. If I would consider such reticence to be a glaring atrocity in a marriage relationship, how, then, am I able to rationalise it within my relationship to God? I cannot. I will not. I would never treat my wife with such unsavoury disrespect, and I would rebuke anyone who did; how, then, can I treat Jesus in such a manner? I can not. I will not. No longer. A change is mandated, a stand is called for, and rectification in in order.
My claim and my expressed cental motivation is to love the Lord my God with all my heart, strength, soul and mind. If this is so, then my actions must reflect such motivation. The heirarchy of what drives me to do things must be shaken. Personal comfort and selfish desire be damned. It is Christ's entitlement to rule. I love Him dearly, moreso than any woman I could ever meet, and therefore, He deserves greater respect, love and honour than the She I hope to marry. If I would not sit back and allow my wife to be dishonoured, disrespected and slandered; if I wouldn't blatantly dishonour my own wife for personal gain or satisfaction, how much more then, should I do likewise for Jesus Christ, my first love, the saviour of all I am?
Today, I stand. Never again shall I back down; and if by chance I do, someone please kick me in the head.
I have discovered lately, that I am largely a contradiction.
In my heart and foundational to my soul is the belief and desire to know God, love Him completely and to serve Him without reservation. On the contrary, I find that in my day to day reality, such statements hardly surface into existence. It is sad. I don't really like this, and since I have identified a contradiction in my beliefs & actions, I am seeking to rectify this disparity.
The very nice thing about having a University education in the dramatic arts is that one learns boatloads about examining motivations and action. These two concepts are irrevocably linked, and by studying one, you can usually uncover the other. Where there exists a conflict between two or more motivations (or desires), character is born, and the ultimate choice of which motivation prevails over the other(s) reveals who a person truly is.
I have been thinking a lot about love and a lot about authority, since the two biggest uses of my time right now are work & God. At work, I am training to become a retail store manager, which entails a whole pile of administration and interpersonal leadership. With God, my desire is to know Him & love Him more--in everything that I do. As a result, I've come up with some interesting discoveries about who I am and how I should be living because of it.
So, I say that I love God. Every good Christian makes that claim. However, how much do I love God, and how important is God (and my love for Him) to me? I made some depressing discoveries, when I compared how I would treat my future wife in comparison with how I treat God.
Consider this: if Jesus were your wife or husband, would you treat Him the same way as you treat Him now?
If someone used your spouse's name as an object of slander, would you let it slide?It's got me thinking. And I've been thinking about it a lot. I must confess that up until I actually stopped to think about it, I never realised how little I express my love for God. I typically have tried to minimise the amount of people in my daily life who know that I am associated with Christ, so that my daily life would go more smoothely. In the past, on more than one occasion, I have received both physical assault and verbal abuse because of my allegiance to Jesus Christ. Such experiences strongly effected me, and I've since sought make my life easier and less pain-wrought by not announcing to all around that I belong to Christ. As a result, I would let people who abuse His name do so without so much as blinking at such slights. I've graciously smiled when people have made fun of my Lord, so as not to cause a disturbance. I've let people disparage my God and His actions/character freely without so much as even trying to voice the fact that I have been largely offended.
If someone made fun of your husband or wife, would you sit back and smile?
If you knew that people hated your spouse, would that cause you to try to hide the fact that you are married to him/her?
Would you be ashamed of your spouse, or would you try to minimise the amount of people who knew that you eagerly desire to spend time with him/her?
Would you knowingly & willingly do something that benefits or pleases you, but that greatly upsets your husband/wife?or...
Would you parade around the fact that you are madly in love with your spouse to everyone around, regardless of their opinions?
Would you make every effort to introduce your friends & associates to the love of your life?
Would you sing your husband/wife's praises to everybody around?
Would you defend your spouse's honour, regardless of the cost?
Would you choose to forego personal pleasure or gain to honour and uplift your spouse?
Jesus has been my secret lover, my forbidden joy, my hidden hope. This is not acceptable. Why? Well, the implications here are that my love for God come second to my pesonal comfort, security and safety. I would rather sit easily by as Jesus becomes an object of slander, ridicule and deprecation. No, not good. Unacceptable. If I would consider such reticence to be a glaring atrocity in a marriage relationship, how, then, am I able to rationalise it within my relationship to God? I cannot. I will not. I would never treat my wife with such unsavoury disrespect, and I would rebuke anyone who did; how, then, can I treat Jesus in such a manner? I can not. I will not. No longer. A change is mandated, a stand is called for, and rectification in in order.
My claim and my expressed cental motivation is to love the Lord my God with all my heart, strength, soul and mind. If this is so, then my actions must reflect such motivation. The heirarchy of what drives me to do things must be shaken. Personal comfort and selfish desire be damned. It is Christ's entitlement to rule. I love Him dearly, moreso than any woman I could ever meet, and therefore, He deserves greater respect, love and honour than the She I hope to marry. If I would not sit back and allow my wife to be dishonoured, disrespected and slandered; if I wouldn't blatantly dishonour my own wife for personal gain or satisfaction, how much more then, should I do likewise for Jesus Christ, my first love, the saviour of all I am?
Today, I stand. Never again shall I back down; and if by chance I do, someone please kick me in the head.
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