Fancy story: the most humbling thing in the world is when the Lord speaks through you, and you end up getting convicted by the message that comes from out of your lips. Guess what? Yup. That happened to me today. This morning, I was chairing my church's service—which involves all sorts of administrative tasks & collaborations, including the leading of communion & a devotional time centred around it. The message that I had prepared for communion ran along the same lines as my most recent post (yes, that one just below) on this here blog. The long &the short of it was that I challenged the congregation to look at their lives, to reflect upon where they were at & see if they (we) were giving Jesus as much as He deserves. Now, at the time, I wasn't really thinking too much about me & about my life—I mean, being "at the front," you're supposed to be "all together," right? Well, that's how many people perceive it. Truth of the matter is that it doesn't matter what side of the pulpit you're occupying. People are people. Christians are people. We are all flawed.
Okay, enough of the sermonette. Getting back to the point of this post. This evening, I went to the worship service that I usually attend on Sunday evenings, and as we began singing, I recognised that I could not sing the words that were up there on the screen. I was amazed to realise that I would be lying right to God's face if I were to tell Him at that moment that He meant everything to me. On the contrary, the opposite would most likely have been more true. I was shocked. Apalled. Scared. What in the world had happened to me in the past few (several) weeks?! God had been replaced in my life. We no longer was the centre. What took precedence, I asked. Me. School. My academic pursuits.
No wonder I had been feeling miserable for teh past while! No wonder my concentration & overall compsure was messed up. No wonder things weren't driving smoothly: there was something seriously wrong with what I was doing, with how I was approaching the world—I had begun to think that this world was my world. Mistake. Big, bad mistake. As I was sitting in one of the back pews at this worship service, the Holy Spirit threw the words that came out of my mouth less than 12 hours earlier on that day, right into my face. "Do we value Christ as much as He is worth?" "Sometimes we need to change. This may involve starting something that you know you should start; stop something you know you shouldn't be doing; approach something in your life from a different perspective." Whabammo! Right to the heart. I was slammed, clobbered, broken to the bone. The Lord revealed to me that I had not been giving him what He deserved from me.
I was spending so much of my time worrying about my academic pursuits, worrying about whether I would get my assignments done well & in time or not, that I completley pushed God to the side & choked Him out of my life. Completely. ...Well not completely, one cannot force God to do anything, to be honest.
He who falls on this stone will be broken to pieces, but he on whom it falls will be crushed. --Matt 21:44
Diamond cannot scratch the stone mentioned above. Nothing can affect (or effect) it. It is the pinnacle of adamant, the cream of resilience, the picture of eternality (if that's even a word). Mohs' scale of hardness would perforce rate this Mineral as 10³—ten cubed. Falling in this Rock, I am necessarily broken, He is necessarily unscathed. It was what I needed to recognise that I had been dumb. The Lord woke me up. Is He worth more than my degree? Yes, when I come to think about it. Then why do I not give him precedence? Good question. Change is needed. He said to me, "I am the desire of your heart; seek after Me & all these other things will be added." Don't worry about these other things, He will look after it all, as long as you have your priorities straigh. He holds the universe in His hands, so He definitely knows how to take care of you & of the desires in your heart.
I broke. I had been a vessel that had contaminated its contents by mixing in the mud from the floor. I had compromised my position with the One True Giver of everything. I had forced Him out, since He has a distaste for impurity. And what's worse is that the more I focused on what I wanted, the less I had a desire to have God to anything in my life, the less He meant to me, the less His absence was bad.
I was broken. The Lord humbled me before Him & made me realise that without Him guiding my life, all was for naught. All was useless. It was time to change. It was time to shift priorities back to where they belong. That is what I am determined on doing. No more muddying teh waters, no more tainting what is the Lord's, no more claiming it as my life.
The greatest part of a broken vessel is that it no longer is able to contain poisoned water. In brokenness, there is renewal. In brokenness, there is reformation. In brokenness there is recommission. In brokenness there is opportunity for a cleansed, purged vessel, ready for the King's service yet again, as He puts the pieces back together with His loving & masterful hands.
No comments:
Post a Comment